Should I keep a relationship with my dad? (PLEASE READ)

[Donnie Azoff]

I've really never understood this "He's part of your family so for better or worse you have to deal with him" argument. Family is only there for one reason; to protect and nurture you while you in turn protect and nurture them. If that dynamic never (or very rarely) takes place, then how is it a beneficial relationship? These things don't often get better, and there's very rarely anything that can be done to fix the situation.

 

Now, granted, I have a good and loving family. I've never had to endure any of the physical or emotional stresses you've had to. But that doesn't really change my perspective; I've been hurt by other people that played a far less important role in my life than family would. And one thing's for sure: letting go of the bitter feelings those experiences have given me has probably been the hardest thing in my life thus far. But that's what I think has to happen; we both have to let go. 

 

In short: don't let your father's abusive and vile behavior drag you down. Let him go.

 

Hope I've helped.  

[Chimera]

I've really never understood this "He's part of your family so for better or worse you have to deal with him" argument. Family is only there for one reason; to protect and nurture you while you in turn protect and nurture them. If that dynamic never (or very rarely) takes place, then how is it a beneficial relationship? These things don't often get better, and there's very rarely anything that can be done to fix the situation.

 

Now, granted, I have a good and loving family. I've never had to endure any of the physical or emotional stresses you've had to. But that doesn't really change my perspective; I've been hurt by other people that played a far less important role in my life than family would. And one thing's for sure: letting go of the bitter feelings those experiences have given me has probably been the hardest thing in my life thus far. But that's what I think has to happen; we both have to let go. 

 

In short: don't let your father's abusive and vile behavior drag you down. Let him go.

 

Hope I've helped.

That's what I've decided to do, I don't think he's worth my troubles. You did help, I appreciate it.

[Chimera]

I hope you can get this sorted out. If I were in your shoes, I would endure it until I could get into college. After college, find a profession in something you take passion in, and live a nice life. Forget your dad, he ain't worth shit. Any child-beating maniac deserves no respect from anyone. 

I hope you figure something out. You will be in my prayers.

 

 

Go to college and then get a job. If you're having trouble coping with the mental aspects of your past, you should see a therapist.

 

 

I dropped my abusive dad 8 years ago. Havent seen him since and i dont regret it at all. Keep your head high and go for the future, it will only get better.

 

 

Just going to add that if this person wasn't related to you in any way (i.e. a stranger), then you certainly wouldn't put up with even an OUNCE of what you have told us you have. Just being your father doesn't give him a right to treat you like shit. Just sayin', it's not worth it.

 

 

My opinion: cut ties with him and go on with your mother or anyone you are currently living with. As long you build expectations with hers and yourself, you become better. I grew up without a father in my earliest years whom rumors has abused my mother, brothers and sisters non-stop.

 

With that said, your father will continue to stay abusive if you keep him in your life. You would prefer to live a life without a whole stock of weight on your shoulders because of a person.

 

 

If you can afford it get away from him and don't look back. No father should act like that and any father that does doesn't deserve any one to stay living with them, he should be left alone to be the miserable piece of shit that he is. You don't need assholes like that in your life. Get out and try to live a happy life, you can do it and hopefully you can find some people to help you along the way. Good luck.

 

 

Family isn't always dictated by the blood you have or the DNA you share with others. It can be a matter of connection, history, feeling, affection and more etc. Just because someone is biologically your family doesn't entitle them to treat you badly time and time again. I'm a little older than most of the people who post here, and I have gone through similar situations with a particular family member over and over, believing that they could and would change. I decided to give them another chance last year for the sake of my other family, and again, thought it was the best thing to do not only for myself but for everyone else involved. Here I am 8 months later and I need to remove myself from the situation again. You seem like the type of person who wants to do almost anything for it to work, but this a case of two way traffic. You need both sides to put in the effort for things to work. Every single relationship whether it be bf/gf; father son, husband wife etc etc needs continuous work and compromise to function properly. It's not simply a given, no matter how similar or compatible the people involved are. Ultimately the decision is on yourself, and you must be going through a lot of grief to reach out on a public forum. But my advice would be to figure out what you want, and don't compromise or look back once you've made up your mind. If you want to try and have a relationship with him, tell him on YOUR terms, not his, and if it works out, at least you made things clear and he understands what is causing you grief. If it doesn't work out, then at least you tried and you can move on knowing that you tried on your own terms and it wasn't your own fault that things didn't turn out how you wished. Alternatively you move on and understand that it's not meant to be, and that no matter how much you change or try, if the other party isn't willing to put in the same effort, things will never change. I'm not going to comment on your father's behaviour and call him certain things, because usually in these cases the people who lash out are or have been victims of circumstance. Who were raised similarly, and had the same type of upbringing which lead to them being the way they are now and to their own children. I hope you see the importance of acknowledging this fact and be the bigger person to break such a cycle. Lastly, I'm going to share a quote with you I stumbled across the other day which I thought was relevant to my own situation and may help with your own. "Don't let your loyalty become slavery. Know when to let go and never compromise on self-respect." Good luck and best wishes with whatever choice you make, I sincerely hope things turn around for you.

I appreciate all the help. In the end, I feel as if I should just burn all the bridges because he causes me too much grief. I apologize for making this depressing thread, I don't want attention but rather advice. Thanks again for all the advice, I feel like I have a better grasp on what I should do.

[A Turn For The Best]

I appreciate all the help. In the end, I feel as if I should just burn all the bridges because he causes me too much grief. I apologize for making this depressing thread, I don't want attention but rather advice. Thanks again for all the advice, I feel like I have a better grasp on what I should do.

 

Just want to say that regardless of what you end up doing, I (and I'm sure I'm not alone) hope you the best and that everything turns out alright. I really, truly hope that your life gets better because it's what you deserve.

 

 

Also, I couldn't pass up the chance.

 

I honestly hope your life takes A... Turn For The Best...

 

Ok. I'm done

 

 

But seriously, good luck with whatever you choose!

[The Radiated Banana]

I would probably say you go to the police, BUT

 

If you were to discontinue your relationship with him, how would you go about it?

[Chimera]

I would probably say you go to the police, BUT

 

If you were to discontinue your relationship with him, how would you go about it?

Ignore him, just move on with my life. He doesn't talk to me anyways so it shouldn't be too hard.

[The Radiated Banana]

Ignore him, just move on with my life. He doesn't talk to me anyways so it shouldn't be too hard.

Then if you aren't going to police i guess i recommend you do that

[Kollin007]

After this, I have a conflict that I can't settle by myself; should I believe him and attempt to keep a relationship with him despite all the cruel stuff he's done to me and my mom, or just move on and get on with my life? If I leave him as a memory, how do I cope with not having a fatherly figure? Do I just raise myself with my mom? Do I give up and just live without a dad, like I did before when he was drunk or high on the couch, or abusing me?

         In all honesty and in my opinion, you should leave you dad behind. If he has done all these things to you and has told you 4 times that everything would change positively and it would get better, I wouldn't trust him or care for him anymore. My dad was similar to yours, not a drug addict but used to abuse me and my family physically and verbally. Me, my mom, and my siblings left my dad when I was 9. I am now 16 and have been since January. Coping without a dad really isn't that bad. I mean I am doing good if not great in life, I have awesome friends, and I make straight A's. You might not have anyone to throw the football with you or teach you to ride a bike, but you will have your loving, nurturing mother. It might be for the best to give up on him and move on.

 

Let me know if I can help with anything.

 

-Kollin