t0night Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 i like that people have complained about free speech but nobody has told him to consider not writing about locking up/threatening the lives of/robbing IRL real people next time. Like really? If I went to school with you and I heard about that, shit if I was your teacher and I read that, I would feel pretty fuckin uncomfortable. Not like, fear for my life, but the fact that you did that and felt nothing was wrong about it... You described in detail, personally committing mass violent crime, and you didn't feel like at all weird about it? That would put me off you as a person, hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puddingkip Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 You made a detailed plan of how you were going to rob everyone in the school, beat the security officers and burn down part of the building. You're fucked. Threats aren't considered "free speech" and schools are an example of a place that requires extra security. They absolutely can expel you. I quite often make these kind of plans (though never write them down). Schools don't really require extra security. You're fucked up if you don't have any fantasies or bad feelings towards other people. Or if you can't seperate those fantasies with the truth. i like that people have complained about free speech but nobody has told him to consider not writing about locking up/threatening the lives of/robbing IRL real people next time. Like really? If I went to school with you and I heard about that, shit if I was your teacher and I read that, I would feel pretty fuckin uncomfortable. Not like, fear for my life, but the fact that you did that and felt nothing was wrong about it... You described in detail, personally committing mass violent crime, and you didn't feel like at all weird about it? That would put me off you as a person, hard. Seriously that isn't weird. Weird is when you live your life without ever thinking about what if's. What if I were a mass murderer, what if a zombie invasion starts, what if I was president. It's called human imagination and is one of the greatest gifts of life. Use it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatOtherChigga #Mack Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 The Heist best album Also, why the hell would you do that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexyyy Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 i hope you do go back to the school because you need some serious english lessons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief D Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 I just read earbuds and duffle bag and all I could think of where tf2 items. Also, when I had to write a short story, I usually wrote about a randmo quest of whatever RPG game I was playing. (Mostly Runescape) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Python. Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Get ready to be criticized because I have nothing better to do "I render all the cameras useless by covering their view with paper." Because that always works "I then proceed to come into school with a hoodie bringing in my backpack and strapping the duffel bag over my shoulder loaded with the necessary materials." Obviously nobody sees this because this assembly is pretty fucking important and everyone in school is there Did you really incorporate TF2 items into the paper? Duffel bag? The scout misc? You even alluded to the scout's bat, "I reach my hand over...and take out a metal bat from my duffel bag" And a flare gun? In any case, how would that ever help with a robbery? "Once I started the timer, I would have 10 minutes to complete the heist before the police would arrive to the scene." Why? If everyone is in the assembly and locked in, who would be able to call the police and why would it take 10 minutes immediately after you start the heist? "I begun the process of cable tying anyone who I expected who become an interference to the heist, this included: staff, security, and guest speakers." *I began the to tie up anyone who I suspected would become an interference to my plan, such as staff, security and guest speakers (Obama), with cable. Why would you rob a school in the first place? Don't you think there would be an issue with digging through backpacks and pockets looking for iPods and Phones and then attempting to sell them on eBay and Amazon and the 'Black Market'? People have 'Find my Phone' apps on their computers, y'know. Wouldn't be too hard to catch a burglar with 2,550 of them. On another note, how big is this school? It's unlikely for there to be 2,550 students and/or staff members and even more unlikely they all have electronic devices. Not even sure how a single assembly could hold that many people. For a plan you worked out for over a year it seems pretty faulty <Can't have a school paper without mentioning "an actual gun" (make sure they know it's an 'actual' gun and not a fake one. Good on ya) Did the cops just give up on trying to catch you mid-way through the story so you could make a switch in cars? Also, what does "I continue driving until I was a mile away from home" even mean? I think you meant school rather than home "after counting it over, it seems I had stolen 5,100 exactly" How the fuck? You had 8 minutes to go through the backpacks and you were able to get both earbuds and iPhones from every single student in there which is allegedly 2,550? Not to mention the time it took for you to bash the employees kneecaps out of their sockets and tie up the people who would want to 'intervene'. "Then I start up the Internet and turn on my computer, open up Internet Explorer and see that on the MSN homepage, one of the featured articles is, “Portion of school burned down after heist,†1) Why do we care what browser you use? 2) MSN 3) There is no way in hell an article would already have been written about the recent heist in the time it took you to drive home "would instead sell them at swap meets and blacks markets. I eventually sell all the product at swap meets and black market" - Redundant statement is redundant "so instead just imagine a gas can, wrench, pliers, and electric cables connected to an electric box on the dining room table." Forcing us to imagine you torturing, who I can only assume, the principal? You sick bastard. Adjectives are dull, plot is morbid and offensive and the calculations made in Paragraph 2 are off Next time you get a writing assignment, I suggest writing about a boy who lost his puppy and goes on the journey of a lifetime through his backyard to find him to only realize he was inside the whole time. And at the end, they give him a T-bone as they sit around the fire drinking Cocoa Enjoy your time in Juvenile Court Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Python. Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Seriously that isn't weird. Weird is when you live your life without ever thinking about what if's. What if I were a mass murderer, what if a zombie invasion starts, what if I was president. It's called human imagination and is one of the greatest gifts of life. Use it It's weird when you know it's going to be looked at and graded in school, yet you still write about school-inappropriate topics Imagining something is completely different than pouring thoughts on a medium and turning it in for review Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Draco Blaze Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 The paper already has a TF2 and video game feel to it. You could have probably called it the Teufort Heist and made it about the Payday: The Heist characters going up against the Mann-Co Mercenaries. Violence is fine, but when you involve real places and people, especially ones that you see on a regular basis, that is when the line is crossed. It stops being a fictional account and becomes more of a cautionary message. This story has more holes than Swiss Cheese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splat Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 I enjoy reading this type of story, and will read it in full later. They remind me of the Catcher in the Rye; impossible to stop reading, but they make you feel like you are just an observer and are helpless to the wrongdoings of the main character of the story. They make you feel even worse when you see the character doesn't see what he does wrong... brilliant narrative is necessary, however. Edit: oh lordy did you just put vidya references in a paper? you play way too much games top lel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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