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Male Abuse


Captain Caboose

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abuse victims do not have a choice to leave their abuser in the same way that you choose what you wanna eat for dinner; this is my point. are you gonna leave your abuser if you have nowhere else to stay, no income, no other support in the world, and/or fear for your life if you do leave?

 

more than anything else, this is what i will never fucking understand whether it's about rape or other abuse: what the fuck drives you to point out the fact that had the victim acted differently, things could have been different? what on earth is the point on any level of saying that their actions lead, in some way, to what happened? it never ever makes them deserve abuse, as you point out. it fulfills no purpose other than making them feel that THEY are to blame for the abuse they have suffered; it drives fear and shame of ever telling anyone about what has happened to them because the first fucking reaction from people like you is to point out how it could be THEIR fault!

 

Their is plenty of help from authorities...etc and chosing to not do anything is and always will be a problem and their always is a choice.

 

Accepting responsibilities for your decisions, accepting that you chosing not to do anything when there were options available which is partially the reason why problems ended up exacerbated and to learn from is the point. 

 

When ever I get a calls from people who have a repeated history of making those exact same mistakes over and over again is because of people like you who instead of trying to let the victim to learn to accept that decisions always have their consequences decide to comfort them telling that they did absolutely nothing wrong which leads them to continue down that horrible path. So many times have people called crying about their situation because they knew what was wrong, saw the problems but chose to do nothing, to blindly think things will get better is the exact reason why they have gotten themselves into that situation and always will.

 

EDIT: Their is no problem comforting people nor tryng to help them out but telling them that they have done nothing wrong, that choosing to allow a problem to exist until things have gotten out of hand is the problem and when they end up in that similar situation then that will be all on you because you convinced them that they have done nothing wrong that it was entirely the assailant's fault.

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Their is plenty of help from authorities...etc and chosing to not do anything is and always will be a problem and their always is a choice.

 

Accepting responsibilities for your decisions, accepting that you chosing not to do anything when there were options available which is partially the reason why problems ended up exacerbated and to learn from is the point. 

 

When ever I get a calls from people who have a repeated history of making those exact same mistakes over and over again is because of people like you who instead of trying to let the victim to learn to accept that decisions always have their consequences decide to comfort them telling that they did absolutely nothing wrong which leads them to continue down that horrible path. So many times have people called crying about their situation because they knew what was wrong, saw the problems but chose to do nothing, to blindly think things will get better is the exact reason why they have gotten themselves into that situation and always will.

 

EDIT: Their is no problem comforting people nor tryng to help them out but telling them that they have done nothing wrong, that choosing to allow a problem to exist until things have gotten out of hand is the problem and when they end up in that similar situation then that will be all on you because you convinced them that they have done nothing wrong that it was entirely the assailant's fault.

i'm not going to debate anything further with you because you have shown yourself to be ignorant of the mechanisms by which abusive partners continue to perpetrate their abuses and insist on the notion of choice as if it was psychologically comparable to other everyday choices. you have no empathy for someone in an abusive relationship nor are you achieving anything except deepening stigma that exists towards victims of abuse for not magically breaking out of psychological/financial dependencies. contrary to your magical rainbowland where everyone has a choice all of the time and authorities 1) exist at all, 2) are functioning and well-funded, 3) can take anyone at any time and give them shelter whatever their circumstances; these things do happen to people. telling abuse victims to get up and leave no matter what their circumstances is about as useful (and by useful i mean actively harmful) as telling depressed people to feel better.

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firstly what pudding said

 

secondly because people who become educated about social justice issues on the internet, especially younger people, act in a certain way. it's the same thing that happens in any kind of internet culture where young people enter it; people compete to be superior, to be the most radical/edgy/racist/feminist/homophobic/funniest, whatever. the product of that is ridiculous stuff like what you've cited; although even with that i'm always very very suspicious of tumblr accounts posting stuff like that because there are many many troll accounts doing that kind of shit in order to promote their view of what tumblr is like etc.

 

either way, it's one person and you could find a million worse examples of racism/sexism etc on 4chan every day of the week and could have done for the last however many years that site has been up.

 

4chan's always been full of sick trolls, but they simply keep to their own website (minus a few raids now and then). Tumblr sjw's seem to be a growing community who actively harass users of other sites and have an influence in the real world.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-35123199

 

is a good example, a bunch of privileged students moaning about a Cecil Rhodes statue (who is a bad man, yes) which could result in costly demolition + refurbishment works. You can't rewrite history - those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. I'm sure this is why Auschwitz was turned into a museum and not demolished. 

 

Maybe we should start demolishing statues of Roman emperors due to their policies on slavery. Perhaps the ancestors of various African kingdoms should be publicly shamed for their legacy of selling slaves to the white man (iirc the Native Americans also used slaves, as did the Aztecs, but this doesn't mean the Conquistadors were liberators, far from it). Should we condemn Mandela for being a terrorist in the eyes of some? (obviously the answer is no). Shaka himself ruled over a Zulu empire, just as other conquerors e.g Gustavus Adolphus had once done. Don't even get me started on the whole "Hannibal was black" fad.

 

Funnily enough most of the students are on Rhodes scholarships. Tackling today's issues should be a priority - whilst discrimination against females was once more commonplace, this occurred in alongside a lack of male abuse compared to female abuse, and so therefore any male who was abused would be ridiculed (for being weak etc). Today, the situation has improved abuse itself seems to be viewed differently depending on the gender of the person carrying it out.

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Their is plenty of help from authorities...etc and chosing to not do anything is and always will be a problem and their always is a choice.

 

Accepting responsibilities for your decisions, accepting that you chosing not to do anything when there were options available which is partially the reason why problems ended up exacerbated and to learn from is the point. 

 

When ever I get a calls from people who have a repeated history of making those exact same mistakes over and over again is because of people like you who instead of trying to let the victim to learn to accept that decisions always have their consequences decide to comfort them telling that they did absolutely nothing wrong which leads them to continue down that horrible path. So many times have people called crying about their situation because they knew what was wrong, saw the problems but chose to do nothing, to blindly think things will get better is the exact reason why they have gotten themselves into that situation and always will.

 

EDIT: Their is no problem comforting people nor tryng to help them out but telling them that they have done nothing wrong, that choosing to allow a problem to exist until things have gotten out of hand is the problem and when they end up in that similar situation then that will be all on you because you convinced them that they have done nothing wrong that it was entirely the assailant's fault.

 

 

i'm not going to debate anything further with you because you have shown yourself to be ignorant of the mechanisms by which abusive partners continue to perpetrate their abuses and insist on the notion of choice as if it was psychologically comparable to other everyday choices. you have no empathy for someone in an abusive relationship nor are you achieving anything except deepening stigma that exists towards victims of abuse for not magically breaking out of psychological/financial dependencies. contrary to your magical rainbowland where everyone has a choice all of the time and authorities 1) exist at all, 2) are functioning and well-funded, 3) can take anyone at any time and give them shelter whatever their circumstances; these things do happen to people. telling abuse victims to get up and leave no matter what their circumstances is about as useful (and by useful i mean actively harmful) as telling depressed people to feel better.

 

This ^

 

 

Not to mention that often times when victims of abuse go to authorities, they either don't do shit about it or find some way to blame the victim, like Derpeh. Then the victim just ends up being shamed more than they have already and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

 

But please, keep telling us why your insistence that victims take blame responsibility for their "choice" to stay with their abuser is in any way productive. 

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4chan's always been full of sick trolls, but they simply keep to their own website (minus a few raids now and then). Tumblr sjw's seem to be a growing community who actively harass users of other sites and have an influence in the real world.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-35123199

 

is a good example, a bunch of privileged students moaning about a Cecil Rhodes statue (who is a bad man, yes) which could result in costly demolition + refurbishment works. You can't rewrite history - those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. I'm sure this is why Auschwitz was turned into a museum and not demolished. 

 

Maybe we should start demolishing statues of Roman emperors due to their policies on slavery. Perhaps the ancestors of various African kingdoms should be publicly shamed for their legacy of selling slaves to the white man (iirc the Native Americans also used slaves, as did the Aztecs, but this doesn't mean the Conquistadors were liberators, far from it). Should we condemn Mandela for being a terrorist in the eyes of some? (obviously the answer is no). Shaka himself ruled over a Zulu empire, just as other conquerors e.g Gustavus Adolphus had once done. Don't even get me started on the whole "Hannibal was black" fad.

 

Funnily enough most of the students are on Rhodes scholarships. Tackling today's issues should be a priority - whilst discrimination against females was once more commonplace, this occurred in alongside a lack of male abuse compared to female abuse, and so therefore any male who was abused would be ridiculed (for being weak etc). Today, the situation has improved abuse itself seems to be viewed differently depending on the gender of the person carrying it out.

you see no difference between commemoration of a war crime and its victims vs having a statue of a bad dude presented as-is in a college? it's clearly a venerating act and the point the students are making is that they don't think he should be venerated. i'm sure there's interesting conversations you could have about what it means that we venerate emperors et al and stick their busts in museums etc but i don't think that's the same thing as a college having a statue of someone like rhodes. 

 

but the specific debate about rhodes is tangential. either way, compared to this, far right groups and shootings and violence motivated by the kind of misanthropy and hatred of difference that manifests in various internet circles remain much more troubling in my view. i don't see a university college facing some building costs in order to stop appearing to venerate a racist as a particularly troubling issue.

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