Male Abuse

[Sniper Noob]

lmao. Such men are disgrace. Pathetic. 

 

 

People like you are the exact reason why more men don't come out about emotional and physical abuse. 

 

 

Is it just me or is it really looking like a new Lou Zephyr?

 

 

What are they gonna do? Hit her back? They can't because that automatically makes the guy the instigator. The reason most men can't get out is because the woman is psycho and will smother him in his sleep if he even thought of leaving her. Women can be just a psychotic as men.

 

Don't feed the trolls

[Captain Caboose]

This is Nicole's response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX19DiD_a9E

 

Discuss

[Buy my mixtape fam]

This is Nicole's response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX19DiD_a9E

 

Discuss

Oh great, both sides are claiming the other violated the other. Can't wait for two straight weeks of Keemstar talking about this shit.

 

Honestly, while there's no proof so it's semi-hard to pick sides, Matt seemed to genuinely be hurt. Instead of rebutting his arguments and saying "I didn't hit him" she instead says "I just...didn't feel it" and keeps accusing Matt of things. 

 

And someone correct me if I'm wrong, but why the fuck would he fake that video? Matt seems to be an average guy, and the emotion that he displayed is just something that you can't fake. And until she actually rebutts his arguments instead of saying "he's using his fame to come after me", I don't know why I should believe her.

[Hyperqube]

It is my view that if you are in an abusive relationship and chose to stay in it over a long term then you are responsible for your decisions.

 

Except, usually, the decision is to stay with your spouce, and hope* it gets better - the decision isn't to double for punchingbag (be it emotional or physical).

 

Oppositely, the decision to throw that punch, be it the first or last, is with the agressor, not the victim.

 

* the hope might be folly perhaps, but love is anything but rational.

 

you can't deny that the perspn being abused is partially responsible for stickig around.

"responsible for stickig around."? yes

responsible for getting abused? no

 

 

Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially responsible for the harm that befell them

-- fist line of wikipedia, victim blaming

it's textbook victim blaming you're doing.

 

The same logic that a woman might decide to wear a sexy outfit, that doesn't make it her fault she is raped.

[Twins_Mercury]

Oh great, both sides are claiming the other violated the other. Can't wait for two straight weeks of Keemstar talking about this shit.

 

Honestly, while there's no proof so it's semi-hard to pick sides, Matt seemed to genuinely be hurt. Instead of rebutting his arguments and saying "I didn't hit him" she instead says "I just...didn't feel it" and keeps accusing Matt of things. 

 

And someone correct me if I'm wrong, but why the fuck would he fake that video? Matt seems to be an average guy, and the emotion that he displayed is just something that you can't fake. And until she actually rebutts his arguments instead of saying "he's using his fame to come after me", I don't know why I should believe her.

Not to mention he had uploaded the video privately way back and we only found out because he accidentally made it public for a few minutes. Guy had no intention of people actually seeing the thing.

[♠Derpeh♤]

"responsible for stickig around."? yes

responsible for getting abused? no

 

Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially responsible for the harm that befell them

-- fist line of wikipedia, victim blaming

it's textbook victim blaming you're doing.

 

The same logic that a woman might decide to wear a sexy outfit, that doesn't make it her fault she is raped.

 

Every decision in your life, every action you take has it's consequences which lead to the current outcome. Yes, the person being abusive is a horrible person however it takes two people to be in a relationship. It is partially the victim's fault as well, you picked your significant other, you decided to stay knowing you were in an abusive relationship, you stayed while you were not happy and hence you are partially at fault.

 

Your comparison to being a rape victim because of a sexy outfit isnt a fair comparison as rape can occur randomly and out of your control compared to a relationship where it is essentially dictated by your choices and in all situations you are the one in control which is to stay in it or leave.

 

Again Im not trying to down play the actions of the "abuser", I'm saying that both parties are at fault as it takes 2 to be in a relationship. If they decide to stick around knowing full well they are being abused they are partially responsible, it's like telling someone that this is a bottle of poison and you can decide to drink it or not. You can't blame the person who put the bottle there when you decided to drink it.

[Hyperqube]

Your comparison to being a rape victim because of a sexy outfit isnt a fair comparison as rape can occur randomly and out of your control

Except, I'm not talking about a rape that happened on a random occarance. I'm talking about a rape that happened because the girl dressed sexy and the guy couldn't keep it in his pants.

 

Your words:

 

Every decision in your life, every action you take has it's consequences which lead to the current outcome.

 

Yet, SHE was the one who decided to dress sexy. The rape happened as a consquence of HER decision.

 

We put the blame with the rapist, because we expect that he should be able to keep it in his pants, dispite people being dressed sexy.

You can try to argue that you expect people who get abused, leave, but there's one thing you apparently don't consider - or blatantly ignore - and that is that people who are in love don't always think rationally.

 

putting the blame with someone in love for not making the irrational decision, is completely, utterly, bonkers.

 

 

it's like telling someone that this is a bottle of poison and you can decide to drink it or not.

 

... and if you're in love, that's not a choice - you'll drink the bottle without a second thought.

 

 

it's like telling someone that this is a bottle of poison and you can decide to drink it or not.

 

your web, I'm caught

You're poison. I don't want to break these chains.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWmGZ4cIERM

 

[♠Derpeh♤]

You can try to argue that you expect people who get abused, leave, but there's one thing you apparently don't consider - or blatantly ignore - and that is that people who are in love don't always think rationally.

 

putting the blame with someone in love for not making the irrational decision, is completely, utterly, bonkers.

 

... and if you're in love, that's not a choice - you'll drink the bottle without a second thought.

 

 

And my point is "being in love" is not in anyway shape or form an excuse to shift taking responsibility of your choices.

 

Your life, your choices and you live with it. Yeah it's harsh but that's reality.

 

Im not arguing that the person who is abusing their significant other isnt at fault Im arguing that the person who decides to remain in an abusive relationship which ultimately was a result of her life and her decisions so she is partially at fault and I dont think you understand that "being in love" is not an excuse.

 

EDIT: Again with the rape example being draw from her deciding to dress sexy. That again is a very stupid example to compare in one scenario she controls what she wears and in an abusive relationship she ultimately controls either to continue or ditch the relationship i.e. she is in full control. Deciding what you wear or dont wear doesnt enable you to control being raped or not raped, it can be a contributing factor but it's not the deciding one. Continuing or not continuing an abusive relationship ultimately lies in their hands and is the deciding factor whether you continue to get abused.

[#NewWizard]

What are they gonna do? Hit her back? They can't because that automatically makes the guy the instigator. The reason most men can't get out is because the woman is psycho and will smother him in his sleep if he even thought of leaving her. Women can be just a psychotic as men.

 

END THE F****** RELATIONSHIP. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. HOW HARD IS IT? REALLY? THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING THAT CAN STOP YOU TO END THESE RELATIONSHIPS.

SMOTHER IN SLEEP?! IF YOU NOW SHE BE CRAZY?! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HER THE FIRST PLACE?! 

[ϟRai-Raiϟ]

END THE F****** RELATIONSHIP. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. HOW HARD IS IT? REALLY? THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING THAT CAN STOP YOU TO END THESE RELATIONSHIPS.

SMOTHER IN SLEEP?! IF YOU NOW SHE BE CRAZY?! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HER THE FIRST PLACE?! 

Caps is a really good way to communicate. Know what's more effective?

 

This

[#NewWizard]

Caps is a really good way to communicate. Know what's more effective?

 

This

 

Because this is really that simple. Men that stay in such relationships are pathetic. It really rustles me. 

[F CHARLIE]

What? Go no contact and be done with it. Only betas and masochists would stay in such relationship.  

 

 

People say this about women who get abused.  There is obviously something psychological going on that is difficult to understand.

 

Male abuse happens.  Men also get raped by women.  Until they learn better about themselves, some people can be targeted for manipulation and control.  For those people these things are still a painful violation or their beings as it would be for anyone.  Doesn't matter if they are male or female.  Its not their fault either as most of us do not learn things about ourselves until we are much older.  These things happen to successful, talented, people as well so its not just people who are "lesser than".  

[Hyperqube]

And my point is "being in love" is not in anyway shape or form an excuse to shift taking responsibility of your choices.

 

Your life, your choices and you live with it. Yeah it's harsh but that's reality.

 

...

I dont think you understand that "being in love" is not an excuse

 

Sorry, but in what fantasy land do you live where "being in love" not an excuse? Because my reality is one where courts acknowledge emotional states are mitigating factor, and one where scientist compare the effects of love to the effects of cocain, ...

 

Your inability to comprehend the effects of love doesn't make your believe that "being in love" is not an excuse, reality

 

 

 

Like it or not, But when you're in a state that "it's like telling someone that this is a bottle of poison and you can decide to drink it or not." is not a choice, blaming someone for chosing the wrong answer, is stupid

 

[♠Derpeh♤]

 Sorry, but in what fantasy land do you live where "being in love" not an excuse? Because my reality is one where courts acknowledge emotional states are mitigating factor, and one where scientist compare the effects of love to the effects of cocain, ...

 

Your inability to comprehend the effects of love doesn't make your believe that "being in love" is not an excuse, reality

 

Like it or not, But when you're in a state that "it's like telling someone that this is a bottle of poison and you can decide to drink it or not." is not a choice, blaming someone for chosing the wrong answer, is stupid

 

"i killed someone because i was in love with him and he cheated on me" doesnt get you a get out of jail free card, you still have to live with the consequences of your decisions and actions. Everything you do has it's consequences, everyone is in control of their life, does everyone make the correct choices? Obviously not but telling someone that the choices that they made, the decisions that lead up to their problems trying to convince them that they had absolutely no part in the outcomes [When she had full control] which played out is asking for her to never accept responsibility for her choices and they will always end up being the victim again and again.

 

How can you honestly tell the person who decided they want to be in a abusive relationship that they have absolutely no responsibility for her actions/decisions because it was "out of love" and that their choice had nothing to do with staying in a X year old abusive relationship?

 

Again for the third(?) time Im saying they are partially responsible/to blame for their actions and decisions which lead to the outcome or are you going to blindly tell them that they did nothing wrong when deciding to stay in an abusive relation because it was out of love?

 

Sorry but that is like telling an obese person they dont need to change that they are healthy... Again the "abuser" is an asshole no doubt but the person who decides to remain in that relationship is partially responsible/to blame for the outcome. They picked their partner. They made the choice to stay whether it was out of love or not they have responsibility for making that decision and hence is partly to blame for the outcome.

[t0night]

What? Go no contact and be done with it. Only betas and masochists would stay in such relationship.  

 

 

Agreed. Only exception is when a women traps with you with kids or gets pregnant without your (obviously male) knowledge. Then the women has the law on their side, either that or child support 

 

It is my view that if you are in an abusive relationship and chose to stay in it over a long term then you are responsible for your decisions. You are a free human being with 2 legs you can leave anytime, do t get me wrong the significant other is a horrible human being for abusing but you can't deny that the perspn being abused is partially responsible for stickig around.

toxic masculinity 101

 

real men don't have feelings or emotions and are not vulnerable to manipulation; everybody at all times has the option to leave an abusive relationship because nobody is ever dependent (financially, emotionally, et cetera) on a partner ever; it's the victim's fault and we should shame them and discourage them from being open about the abuse they have suffered.

 

this stigma and bullshit about how men 'should' act comes down to gender stereotypes and plain and simple ignorance about how abuse happens. just because you are not capable of imagining the many situations in which it would occur does not mean it does not happen. the reason so many people felt the need to type 'abuse is always wrong' in this thread as though that was an actual contribution beyond 6 year old level to the thread is because it is seemingly unthinkable to many that abuse can and does happen to men.

[Traffic Goat]

Nicole Arbour is hellspawn. Can we all agree on that?

[♠Derpeh♤]

toxic masculinity 101

this stigma and bullshit about how men 'should' act comes down to gender stereotypes and plain and simple ignorance about how abuse happens. just because you are not capable of imagining the many situations in which it would occur does not mean it does not happen. the reason so many people felt the need to type 'abuse is always wrong' in this thread as though that was an actual contribution beyond 6 year old level to the thread is because it is seemingly unthinkable to many that abuse can and does happen to men.

Sigh if you actually read people's responses no one here thinks abuse is a good thing, no one here is trying to write that off no one is saying you deserve to be abused whether you are a man or woman no one cares. We are saying that if you do end up being in a long term abusive relationship that the victim is responsible for making their decisions to remain in that relationship and hence is partly responsible for what has happened to them.

 

Again, you are born with 2 legs and a given the gift of choice but because of your bad decision of not leaving whether it was because of love or another contributing factor nor reaching out to authorities means that you are partially responsible for getting abused as you can leave but chose to stay. Again coming to my example of here is a bottle of poisin you knowingly chose to drink it, the "abuser" is an asshole but you did decide to stick around...

 

Im not shaming them Im saying they need to accept that as a result of their [poorly] made decisions is why this happened and continued to occur in the long run, you can't tell them they they did nothing wrong that staying was the correct decision that it was entirely the "abuser" fault... I dont know why that is so hard to understand that regardless of the contributing factors the decisions to stay, the decision to not seek help means they are partially responsible for being abused.

[Hyperqube]

"i killed someone because i was in love with him and he cheated on me" doesnt get you a get out of jail free card,

Except when you hyperbole the crime, why not the justification? Temporairy insanity IS a get out of jail free card. Your conclusion, that

 

you still have to live with the consequences of your decisions and actions

is not correct: courts, psychologist, ... recognise that not all decisions are real decisions. Your ignorance, or unwillingness to accept that, doesn't change that. And when you say

 

you can't tell them they they did nothing wrong that staying was the correct decision

No - we tell them they did nothing wrong because we acknowledge that one doesn't think clearly when one is in love.

 

 

no one is saying you deserve to be abused

yeah ...

 

Im arguing that the person who decides to remain in an abusive relationship which ultimately was a result of her life and her decisions so she is partially at fault

-- you

you do understand the correlation between "partially at fault" and "deserve", no?

[♠Derpeh♤]

No - we tell them they did nothing wrong because we acknowledge that one doesn't think clearly when one is in love.

Im arguing that the person who decides to remain in an abusive relationship which ultimately was a result of her life and her decisions so she is partially at fault

-- you

you do understand the correlation between "partially at fault" and "deserve", no?

 

Acknowledging that they made poor judgement and telling someone that they did absolutely nothing wrong is two very different things. If they chose to remain in an abusive relationship that is her responsibility regardless if she was in love or not and that will be a decision that she will have to live with the rest of her life.

 

Fact is she picked who she was with, she picked who she wanted to purse, she knowingly decided to remain in an abusive relationship those [poor] decisions are all on them and no one else.

 

Also no if someone had made poor decisions you never tell them they did absolutely nothing wrong doing that makes you the enabler, if a person was still in an abusive relationship confided in you and told you they wanted to stay in the relationship would you tell them that they are doing nothing wrong because it was out of love?

[Professional Map Painter]

 

I fear for the next generation, I really do.

[puddingkip]

 

 

I fear for the next generation, I really do.

Why? Because some people are idiots? Because there have always been and will always be idiots. It's just now that when some idiot halfway across the world says something stupid I can read it and know about it whereas before only those close to you knew about it. Because whatever this person wrote on tumblr doesn't matter in the slightest. Compare it you and your mates discussing in the pub why Rooney is a wanker and shouldn't be played anymore and that Van Gaal is a twat for not dissing Rooney publicly. Van Gaal isn't going to listen to you, just like judges won't listen to somebody's ramblings on Tumblr. It's just that these ramblings are public and your pub talk isn't

[Professional Map Painter]

Why? Because some people are idiots? Because there have always been and will always be idiots. It's just now that when some idiot halfway across the world says something stupid I can read it and know about it whereas before only those close to you knew about it. Because whatever this person wrote on tumblr doesn't matter in the slightest. Compare it you and your mates discussing in the pub why Rooney is a wanker and shouldn't be played anymore and that Van Gaal is a twat for not dissing Rooney publicly. Van Gaal isn't going to listen to you, just like judges won't listen to somebody's ramblings on Tumblr. It's just that these ramblings are public and your pub talk isn't

I don't remember seeing as many people with the same sort of mindset 10 years ago.

[#NewWizard]

I don't remember seeing as many people with the same sort of mindset 10 years ago.

 

Because you weren't born yet.

[t0night]

Sigh if you actually read people's responses no one here thinks abuse is a good thing, no one here is trying to write that off no one is saying you deserve to be abused whether you are a man or woman no one cares. We are saying that if you do end up being in a long term abusive relationship that the victim is responsible for making their decisions to remain in that relationship and hence is partly responsible for what has happened to them.

 

Again, you are born with 2 legs and a given the gift of choice but because of your bad decision of not leaving whether it was because of love or another contributing factor nor reaching out to authorities means that you are partially responsible for getting abused as you can leave but chose to stay. Again coming to my example of here is a bottle of poisin you knowingly chose to drink it, the "abuser" is an asshole but you did decide to stick around...

 

Im not shaming them Im saying they need to accept that as a result of their [poorly] made decisions is why this happened and continued to occur in the long run, you can't tell them they they did nothing wrong that staying was the correct decision that it was entirely the "abuser" fault... I dont know why that is so hard to understand that regardless of the contributing factors the decisions to stay, the decision to not seek help means they are partially responsible for being abused.

abuse victims do not have a choice to leave their abuser in the same way that you choose what you wanna eat for dinner; this is my point. are you gonna leave your abuser if you have nowhere else to stay, no income, no other support in the world, and/or fear for your life if you do leave?

 

it's fucking insane to construe it as a choice in the usual sense of the word. abuse functions on more levels than pure verbal and physical aggression. what is the functional purpose of your insistence that abuse victims 'own up' to their mistakes in some way? why is it so important to you that some measure of blame be appointed to abuse victims for their abuse?

 

more than anything else, this is what i will never fucking understand whether it's about rape or other abuse: what the fuck drives you to point out the fact that had the victim acted differently, things could have been different? what on earth is the point on any level of saying that their actions lead, in some way, to what happened? it never ever makes them deserve abuse, as you point out. it fulfills no purpose other than making them feel that THEY are to blame for the abuse they have suffered; it drives fear and shame of ever telling anyone about what has happened to them because the first fucking reaction from people like you is to point out how it could be THEIR fault!

[t0night]

I don't remember seeing as many people with the same sort of mindset 10 years ago.

firstly what pudding said

 

secondly because people who become educated about social justice issues on the internet, especially younger people, act in a certain way. it's the same thing that happens in any kind of internet culture where young people enter it; people compete to be superior, to be the most radical/edgy/racist/feminist/homophobic/funniest, whatever. the product of that is ridiculous stuff like what you've cited; although even with that i'm always very very suspicious of tumblr accounts posting stuff like that because there are many many troll accounts doing that kind of shit in order to promote their view of what tumblr is like etc.

 

either way, it's one person and you could find a million worse examples of racism/sexism etc on 4chan every day of the week and could have done for the last however many years that site has been up.