Poem

[Rhys13th]

I've seen a mother hug her daughters coffin,

I've seen cold hearts grow warm and soften,

I've seen the beginning and the end of life,

And I've been on both sides of the knife.

I've seen alotta things,

and alotta things have changed me,

I've drawn alotta breaths,

But sometimes I just can`t breathe.

I've laughed so hard I started to cry,

My friends will help without having to try,

I've followed blindly even knowing the lie,

I knew the reason and I still asked "Why?"

Have you given it all, just to give up?

Have you done it all, was it all enough?

If you had the chance, would you do it again?

If you changed it all, how would it end?

It`s those drunken times that make up your nights,

But it`s the sobering moments that define your life.

Who would you be if life was so easy?

Who would I be if you never knew me?

A moment is made by a hundred million choices,

And the story is told all by different voices,

Nothing is easy `cause nothing is perfect,

But don't for a second think it isnt worth it.

Now just breathe in, and count to ten.

Its not where you go, or where you've been.

Its where you are, its all your friends,

Who`ll stay by your side, until the end.

 

[ThatOtherChigga #Mack]

Did you make this?

[Vegan T-Rex]

wow.

that was actually beautiful. 

[Rhys13th]

Did you make this?

 

I've had a lot of time, and a lot of shit on my plate.

[ThatOtherChigga #Mack]

I've had a lot of time, and a lot of shit on my plate.

Would it be ok if I used it as an outline for a poem I have to write for school? :3

[The 4th Harbringer]

Being completely honest, it needs work. The rhyming is corny and is definitely holding you back from making something profound. Unless you can work with syllable counts to make it songlike, rhyming for the point of rhyming is just kind of silly sounding, especially where you don't even have a flow pattern for the rhyme scheme. It just seems forced. The topic of the poem isn't really that special either, just seems like generic slice-of-life hip-hop lyrics. Personally didn't get much from it.

 

I would call it a first/rough draft. I would keep at it, but I would also suggest you read some classic poetry and analyze it to see what works and what doesn't. Hate to say it, but making good poetry requires work, you can't just slap some rhymes down haphazardly and call it a day.

[Avenging Flame]

Being completely honest, it needs work. The rhyming is corny and is definitely holding you back from making something profound. Unless you can work with syllable counts to make it songlike, rhyming for the point of rhyming is just kind of silly sounding, especially where you don't even have a flow pattern for the rhyme scheme. It just seems forced. The topic of the poem isn't really that special either, just seems like generic slice-of-life hip-hop lyrics. Personally didn't get much from it.

 

I would call it a first/rough draft. I would keep at it, but I would also suggest you read some classic poetry and analyze it to see what works and what doesn't. Hate to say it, but making good poetry requires work, you can't just slap some rhymes down haphazardly and call it a day.

This. Poems should only rhyme if you are using an actual format of stressed and unstressed syllables and set syllables per line. Rhyming just to rhyme is the biggest mistake people make when writing poetry to start with.

 

As for your subject matter, its generic. The meaning of the poem is basically, things change and life goes on. Its hokey and overdone. I got an F on a poetry assignment for a poetry course I had to take. The reason was because this was my subject matter

[Rhys13th]

Would it be ok if I used it as an outline for a poem I have to write for school? :3

 

Go for it.

 

 

Being completely honest, it needs work. The rhyming is corny and is definitely holding you back from making something profound. Unless you can work with syllable counts to make it songlike, rhyming for the point of rhyming is just kind of silly sounding, especially where you don't even have a flow pattern for the rhyme scheme. It just seems forced. The topic of the poem isn't really that special either, just seems like generic slice-of-life hip-hop lyrics. Personally didn't get much from it.

 

I would call it a first/rough draft. I would keep at it, but I would also suggest you read some classic poetry and analyze it to see what works and what doesn't. Hate to say it, but making good poetry requires work, you can't just slap some rhymes down haphazardly and call it a day.

 

This. Poems should only rhyme if you are using an actual format of stressed and unstressed syllables and set syllables per line. Rhyming just to rhyme is the biggest mistake people make when writing poetry to start with.

 

I enjoy rhyming. It's more comfortable for me, and seems to flow easier from my mind. But hey, it's a means of self-expression for me, not another way to be judged. As for reading classical poetry, I'm familiar with most of the 'greats' and doing an analysis of their works. Don't mean that I feel a need to imitate them; their style is their own, and not one I feel represents me.

[MC22]

I liked the one about a kinfe in the heart better

[grimdercell]

Poetry.tf

[Baloo]

I can't believe the last memory he'll have on this Earth is that he compelled himself to end his own life. May he find peace wherever his he goes hereafter.

 

This poem is the saddest piece of literature I have read and would hope to read. I realize that I may have overlooked it in the past, but now given the context, the newfound meaning of the words tugs at my heart strings.

[Hatch Rawer Beryl]

I'm actually crying here reading this after his recent passing.

 

It takes quite a lot to make me cry. Rest in Peace rhys, you will be missed.

[A Delicious Cashew]

i cant even bear myself to get past the 3rd line, I just start crying. I never liked poems, but this is a beauty

 

why didn't you stay true to the words of the poem rhys?