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I'm lost. RIP Rhys


Rhys13th

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Just a brief note of intro, before I do jump into this. This is something that is very very personal to me, and I expect serious replies. No tl;dr comments, no loljks, none of that. If you feel like it's relevant, by all means post it, or even jokes, but nothing that's intended to be hurtful or off-topic.

 

Warning: Lots of teen angst ahead. Deal with it. It's shit that's important to me, and I value communication a hell of a lot higher than I value 'just working it out' or 'you'll get over it'.

 

The context behind this is that I have a friend (female) who I've been in touch with for a long time. A very long time. We have similar backgrounds, similar mental problems (abusive parents, she had depression in the past and has a bi-polar father, while I have the wonderful thing called hearing voices in my head and depression. Neither of us have been to a doctor or psychologist, but these are self-diagnoses based upon the 1 and a half year Psych course we have each taken). I recently decided (in a session of asking questions, where there is no limits to the questions and you answer them truthfully, and each ask an equal number of questions. We did it to pass time or create a conversation, such as what are you political beliefs, or why do you feel this way about X) to ask the question of if she'll go to prom with me: Something that I don't really know why I did, and a very bold move. I'm pretty anti-social, and have only really had one girlfriend that I actually cared for, which as you guys know (if you bother keeping up with my life's drama via my not-very-cryptic statuses), did not end well. So it's kind of a big deal for me, and a big deal for her too: She's always been opposed to dating in general and in favor of postponing any sort of issues that arose there.

 

The way I asked her to prom was as the '5th question' in an asking session, where she agreed not to read the question (that I e-mailed to her) until the 14th of February (4 months to the day from then, it was 1am at that time). She then read it immediately after asking me what it was, me refusing to answer, and then her saying that she's going to read it now.

 

This was on Sunday that I asked her out, and I've been very very very distracted and tense since then. I have not slept(~1 hour per day, and involuntary), I'm not really paying attention in classes, I'm falling behind on my HW, and my own mental problems are intensifying due to the lack of sleep. According to her, she's been having similar issues with just plain being nervous. She recently sent an e-mail, which I've copy-pasta'd below, removing any identifying information:

 

"I feel guilty. For asking that question on Sunday that triggered all of this, for being that person for you when I barely had the capacity to deal with my own problems. I don't regret being there as a friend for you but if I had known things were going to turn out this? As cool as it is? I would've taken a step back and would've dealt with it very differently.

As weird and as confusing as this is for me, I'm pretty sure it's way worse for you. I'm sorry I did this, I'm sorry I overstepped the boundaries. But here I am letting my guard down, and saying let's stop this, whatever "this" is, I think we should stop it at least till we near graduation, at least until we don't have to pay attention to the other things that could harm whatever our goals are.
 

The biggest question: How are you going to catch me when I fall if you are barely able to stand up on your own? Answer: You can't and I won't let you. I need to fall down on my own and get up on my own. YOU need to fall and get up on your own as well, because that's what I believe life is.
 
For my sake and your own, I'm taking a break...because we both need to pay attention to what is now, not what is the future.

My grammatical errors just show how much I thought about this :) so forgive them?

 
Here's what taking a break entail, all 8 parts of your brain are focused on what you should be paying attention to, you getting enough sleep (more than an hr), you not being my alarm clock, and stepping back. NO SURPRISES, NO AWKWARD MOMENTS, NO VULNERABILITY EITHER because none of us can deal with that stress.
 
Sorry, and Thank You...
 
See you around,
[REDACTED]
 

P.S. I will still give my reply on February 14th, 2014...after we fill out college apps, after those big projects are due, after the biggest semester in our school years is over.

P.P.S. I am fine (NOTHING is going to happen to me), now it's your turn to be.
"

 

I'm just... very confused and to be honest, a little hurt. I feel on one hand that it makes sense that she needs time, but on the other hand, I just don't know how to deal with it, and I feel like she's pushing me away. I already had a lot of shit on my plate, enough for a damn buffet, but now, it just seems like it's piling up more and more.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on how to deal with this? And as a preemptive measure, no there isn't exactly a mental health specialist I can approach, mostly due to work schedule and also due to trust issues (my parents wouldn't let me, and there is a very large social stigma if I approach the school counselor).

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I read all of it, but I'm not sure if I interpreted it correctly. What it looks like is both of you are really depressed lately. She's got her stuff to deal with, you've got yours. It might be she's really caring for you and she's trying to avoid breaking off the relationship (friend zone), or she's trying to sugar-coat her decline. But there is the possibility she really want's you and her to get their lives together, something I currently cannot do (I wish I had an idea why). I know exactly how you feel, and I've been through this before. I didn't handle it how I should've. I'd just recommend making sure she's okay, and portraying yourself as more self-confident and be as happy as you can be around her. I'm really sorry if this isn't the answer you're looking for, since my experiences when I went through it were different. Good luck mate, I wish you the best.

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 You both are going to college soon right? That means you'll probably break up soon even if you guys do get together. If I were you I'd just focus on getting good grades and get into a good college.

 

If you want to distract yourself from this issue you could start working out or play a sport.

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I know you adressed not seeing your school counselor, but honestly it's the best thing to do. They're professionals who know how to help people who are experiencing emotional and mental issues. I've had some anxiety and stress issues the past year or so and the best thing I've done is gone to the counseling center at my college. If your parents really don't want you to go, I'm pretty sure there's a confedentiality between you and the counselor so they don't have to disclose that you've been seeing them. Also, dealing with the social stigma of seeing a counselor is just something you have to prioritize. Your own health and well-being is far more important than what others think about you.

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I really just want someone to jump out and yell "PSYCH! YOU GOT THE WRONG NUMBER!", but that don't seem likely to happen.

 

I know you adressed not seeing your school counselor, but honestly it's the best thing to do. They're professionals who know how to help people who are experiencing emotional and mental issues. I've had some anxiety and stress issues the past year or so and the best thing I've done is gone to the counseling center at my college. If your parents really don't want you to go, I'm pretty sure there's a confedentiality between you and the counselor so they don't have to disclose that you've been seeing them. Also, dealing with the social stigma of seeing a counselor is just something you have to prioritize. Your own health and well-being is far more important than what others think about you.

 

I'm already kind of cut-off from people, and I don't want to risk being further cut-off from the few friends that I have. I know that they would support me in this, but it doesn't change the fact that other people would still judge, and it's not something I can exactly deal with. I'll look into if they have lunch hours or something, but I don't know how effective a solution it'd actually be.

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Is there anyone you can talk to? It really doesn't matter who it is, just being able to talk through something will really help.

 

As for the rest of your life and work-load being too stressful, do what feels right. For me, personally, i get a lot more work done when i'm up against a wall then i do when i have plenty of time (i.e. i'm a lot more productive and tend to do better work when i procrastinated until the last minute), and up until that point i was just screwing around, playing games, chilling, etc...

 

Find something you really love, whether it be photoshop, a sport, photography, swimming, whatever; anything to keep your mind (and body) distracted and step "outside" of this world. 1-hour a day do some both physically and mentally engaging, something that will take your mind off of everything going on around you--i.e. go to your happy place. For me, i love "building" myself a computer that i know i'll never end up getting, trading, taking pictures of landscapes, and games. 

 

Finally, find someone else in the meantime, or try to talk to her. I always found myself to do better in school when i was spending time with my gf as shes someone i could talk to about anything, someone to relieve tension, etc...

 

And i no this is a lot easier said then done, but learn to stop caring what people think. Personally, i couldn't care less if people liked or hated me, just make sure you feel good about yourself, and worry less about fitting in. There are 7 Billion people in this world, i guarantee there is at least one person who will like you for who you are and vice-versa. 

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Talk to her, find out her real feelings. If she pleads the 5th, let her go for a while. There's still time to make something work. If it doesn't, you've still made the correct choice.

 

edit: awesome y u ninja

 

Find someone you can trust and tell your problems to. Don't be like me, and be afraid to vent your problems, just make sure you don't do anything to yourself. In life, you just want to make sure you're happy. I know this sounds really selfish, but it's how it has to be. Live for yourself, and do something that can make you happy, momentarily or long term.

Strangely enough, venting out my problems to the right person makes me happy.

I don't know if this is what you'll want to hear or if you'll think this is even helpful, but here's my two cents.

 

From the letter, it sounds like she's one who does not let her guard down, and you seem to be the same. For that reason, the thought of commitment probably made you both very tense. I don't know about you, but when I'm friends with someone, I'm 100% an open book. Though on the same hand, if I start dating one of my friends..I change a little. I never want to say or do the wrong things to make sure that I won't drive them away. It really does add some stress onto things.

 

Now, I don't know if you should take someone's advice on the internet such as myself, but I would personally reach out to her in responce to that email at the very least. My reasoning is that I feel that she says:

My views are that no one should ever have to go through anything on their own. People need that person in their lives to help them up when they fall. Plus, I don't know about you, but helping someone, regardless of the situations going on in my life, makes me feel amazing and overall helps me through the day.

 

I apologize if any of this is choppy/somewhat hard to understand/has many errors, my mind goes a million miles a minute, and I often find myself skipping thoughts. Everything here is my point of view, and feel free to shoot me a message on steam if you want to talk more.

My mind goes the same speed. I can really relate or agree to certain but not all things.
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Find someone you can trust and tell your problems to. Don't be like me, and be afraid to vent your problems, just make sure you don't do anything to yourself. In life, you just want to make sure you're happy. I know this sounds really selfish, but it's how it has to be. Live for yourself, and do something that can make you happy, momentarily or long term.

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I don't know if this is what you'll want to hear or if you'll think this is even helpful, but here's my two cents.

 

From the letter, it sounds like she's one who does not let her guard down, and you seem to be the same.  For that reason, the thought of commitment probably made you both very tense.  I don't know about you, but when I'm friends with someone, I'm 100% an open book.  Though on the same hand, if I start dating one of my friends..I change a little. I never want to say or do the wrong things to make sure that I won't drive them away.  It really does add some stress onto things.

 

Now, I don't know if you should take someone's advice on the internet such as myself, but I would personally reach out to her in response to that email.

The biggest question: How are you going to catch me when I fall if you are barely able to stand up on your own? Answer: You can't and I won't let you. I need to fall down on my own and get up on my own. YOU need to fall and get up on your own as well, because that's what I believe life is.

My views are that no one should ever have to go through anything on their own.  People need that person in their lives to help them up when they fall.  Plus, I don't know about you, but helping someone, regardless of the situations going on in my life, makes me feel amazing and overall helps me through the day.

 

I apologize if any of this is choppy/somewhat hard to understand/has many errors, my mind goes a million miles a minute, and I often find myself skipping thoughts.  Everything here is my point of view, and feel free to shoot me a message on steam if you want to talk more.

 

 

Edit: Is she dropping all contact with you, or is she dropping the "girlfriend" title?

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-snip-

Edit: Is she dropping all contact with you, or is she dropping the "girlfriend" title?

 

There never was a girlfriend title. Prom's still 4-5 months away, and I have no clue as to what the official 'status' was. I think she's dropping all contact for a set amount of time, but I'm still kind of... not shell shocked, but lost.

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There never was a girlfriend title. Prom's still 4-5 months away, and I have no clue as to what the official 'status' was. I think she's dropping all contact for a set amount of time, but I'm still kind of... not shell shocked, but lost.

Gotcha.  I think you should reply to her and tell her how you feel about everything, and maybe propose different conditions?  I've been through something similar, but after I lose contact with them...I can't help but spend every second thinking about them.  You should never trade one extreme for another, you need to try and work together to find a happy medium. 

 

Maybe making a promise that you can only talk if grades are at least XXX and you've been regulating your sleep properly?  Also, as I've said, feel free to message me on steam if you'd like to talk more.

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One of the reasons not to is, its distracting to you/your goals in life. Honestly, i think that not going out would only make things worse. Assuming you both feel the same way about eachother, not going out will just make you both wonder what if we had, and imo that would result in less sleep than actually going out. 

 

P.s. i'm pretty sure i am/was in a somewhat similar situation. I'm not exactly anti-social--i don't necessarily feel uncomfortable in social situations (actually....im not really sure what anti-social implies, hmmm), but i also have no problem being completely alone. My freshman year of highschool i didn't know anyone. For the first week or two i would go to school, go from class-to-class and then eat lunch by myself, and have virtually no interactions with anyone. It wasn't until a few weeks in that i really talked to anyone, and that was only because he started talking to me since we had the same schedule. It wasn't until a couple months in that i really had any true friends; and it wasn't until junior year that i had some really good friends who would do virtually anything for me, and me them. And now i'm in college and still haven't changed much. I have lunch/dinner with my roommates i have a couple "friends" (people i talk to in my various classes), but i have still yet to really hang out with anyone--most of the time i go to class eat with my roommates go to the rest of my classes, east with my roommates, then sit in my room playing games the rest of the night. And i'm perfectly ok with that, i can have fun by myself or in the company of others. So i kind of know where you're coming from but....ehh thats just my two cents. There really is no right answer. Do what feels right.

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  • 2 weeks later...

That's...No I don't have the right words for this. :/

 

RIP Rhys.

 

Edit: Reddit claims this is fake but even if thats true, it seems that he will stay away from all his former online sites forever (removed nearly the entire friend list on steam etc).

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Never tell your password to anyone.
6:58 PM - Rhys13th: Hello?
6:58 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Hi
6:58 PM - Rhys13th: How can I help you Mr. ThatOtherBalootm | RIP Rhys?
6:58 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Do you know the specifics of why he did what he did?
6:58 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: I'm a bit shocked right now.
6:59 PM - Rhys13th: I'm afraid I do not. The police have not ruled out foul play, but they have not declared it as a suicide either.
7:00 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Well, he did post several depressed things on the backpack.tf forums in the past. http://forums.backpack.tf/index.php?/topic/4475-im-lost-rip-rhys/&do=findComment&comment=52183
7:01 PM - Rhys13th: Ok. Um. Wow. That's.... something I did not know at all.
7:01 PM - Rhys13th: What does Mr. MC22 mean by "click k"?
7:01 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Huh?
7:02 PM - Rhys13th: TheKaushuMan, on 28 Oct 2013 said (link to the reddit post). Then, Mr. MC22 says "Rhys, why'd you click k?"
7:02 PM - Rhys13th: What does "click k" mean?
7:04 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: 7:04 PM - Merrycatch22 #byeRhys: in tf2, a lot of people bind k to a certain function
7:06 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Once my ban wears off I can show you some drawings he posted and a poem he wrote that I based my poem for a school off of :/
7:07 PM - Rhys13th: I don't think that will be necessary; I'll be going through his post history on forums.backpack.tf now. I apologize for removing you as a friend. He said to remove everyone barring a few exceptions. Mr. Bacon was one, as well as a few people I think he knew in real life (They have the same name as his friends according to the parentheses by their names on that list). Thank you for your condolences, and have a nice day.
7:07 PM - Rhys13th is now Offline.

 

RIP.
 

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Never tell your password to anyone.

6:58 PM - Rhys13th: Hello?

6:58 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Hi

6:58 PM - Rhys13th: How can I help you Mr. ThatOtherBalootm | RIP Rhys?

6:58 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Do you know the specifics of why he did what he did?

6:58 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: I'm a bit shocked right now.

6:59 PM - Rhys13th: I'm afraid I do not. The police have not ruled out foul play, but they have not declared it as a suicide either.

7:00 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Well, he did post several depressed things on the backpack.tf forums in the past. http://forums.backpack.tf/index.php?/topic/4475-im-lost-rip-rhys/&do=findComment&comment=52183

7:01 PM - Rhys13th: Ok. Um. Wow. That's.... something I did not know at all.

7:01 PM - Rhys13th: What does Mr. MC22 mean by "click k"?

7:01 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Huh?

7:02 PM - Rhys13th: TheKaushuMan, on 28 Oct 2013 said (link to the reddit post). Then, Mr. MC22 says "Rhys, why'd you click k?"

7:02 PM - Rhys13th: What does "click k" mean?

7:04 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: 7:04 PM - Merrycatch22 #byeRhys: in tf2, a lot of people bind k to a certain function

7:06 PM - ThatOtherBalooâ„¢ | RIP Rhys: Once my ban wears off I can show you some drawings he posted and a poem he wrote that I based my poem for a school off of :/

7:07 PM - Rhys13th: I don't think that will be necessary; I'll be going through his post history on forums.backpack.tf now. I apologize for removing you as a friend. He said to remove everyone barring a few exceptions. Mr. Bacon was one, as well as a few people I think he knew in real life (They have the same name as his friends according to the parentheses by their names on that list). Thank you for your condolences, and have a nice day.

7:07 PM - Rhys13th is now Offline.

 

RIP.

 

 

Long219=Chigga=Confirmed

 

Long218=/=Chigga

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Long219=Chigga=Confirmed

 

Long218=/=Chigga

Yeah he got another warning point and got a 1 day ban for that. Bad timing appearently. But let's stop talking about chigga here. *cough*

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Oh god.

Y'know, we all go on living our daily lifes, but we forget that people close to us can just pass suddenly. And it does hurt when that happens.

R.I.P Rhys. 

You will be missed by all of us. 

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Dear Rhys,

There are few things I can say now that will make any difference. I wish I could've gotten to know you better- You were one of the most frequent posters in the forums, and an excellent price checker. All I can wish for you now is that you rest in peace.

Take care of yourself, mate.

-TD

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I don't want to believe Rhys is truly dead, but if you truly are, I wish I could say a lot to you. You truly were one in a million, and I'm positive you really had a lot to live for. You were a good person, probably one we won't get another of forever. Rest in peace Rhys, you will be missed...

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