Should I keep a relationship with my dad? (PLEASE READ)

[Chimera]

As some may have noticed from some of my status updates from the past, I'm torn inside. I can't sleep because I don't know what to do. I'm depressed and I don't tell anyone. I hide the pain because I can't handle it but I don't want to burden anyone. I'm sick of not wanting to wake up because I feel life isn't worth living anymore so I want to ask for help. The next paragraph is a description of my dad so you can get a good idea of what he's like.

 

My father is a very weird character. He was a very abusive person. He was always on some drug (crack was a normal but he doesn't do that often, he's always high off weed nowadays). When I was littler he would beat me and call me worthless. He would tell me to kill myself and that I should've been aborted. When I was born he ran away and left me alone in both Inglewood and later San Bernardino (both very bad cities in Southern California) with just my mother and my autistic brother. I had a stepfather finally who was good to me which he chased away, and took my mom away until I was 5, leaving me an orphan that didn't know where my parents were, and made me have to live with my grandparents. He comes back with my mom with the following traits: physically and emotionally abusive, angry, narcissistic, and ruined the lives of my entire family. He beat me every so often until I was old enough to fight back, then he just attacked me with hate, such as you're worthless, you're lucky you weren't aborted, kill yourself, etc. Until recently, my mom was out for a year because he attacked her too, and she was so miserable she wouldn't interact with me for an entire year, leaving me to fight my conflicts on my own. Now we were forced to move out because he got so angry it seemed like everyday he would tell me these harsh phrases of hate and anger, and my mom got sick of it, rendering divorce inevitable. Even after we moved out, he continued to attack my mom, telling her it's her fault my life is so messed up and I didn't get to live life like I should have been able to. He makes her cry almost everyday.

 

However, when the divorce happened, he promised me he would change (4th time I've heard this and it's never happened yet). He started being "nicer" and actually acted like he wants to interact with me. However, he came over and acted the same as he always did at dinner because I wanted to stay in my room. Whenever my little brother comes home from his house, he always acts out of control and extremely violently, yelling at everyone to shut up and he wished he lives with my dad and never saw any of us again. It's really depressing to see him act like this consistently after he comes home, and I don't know what my dad is doing to him.
 

After this, I have a conflict that I can't settle by myself; should I believe him and attempt to keep a relationship with him despite all the cruel stuff he's done to me and my mom, or just move on and get on with my life? If I leave him as a memory, how do I cope with not having a fatherly figure? Do I just raise myself with my mom? Do I give up and just live without a dad, like I did before when he was drunk or high on the couch, or abusing me?

 

I apologize for seeming to be needy, I just want a little insight from other people. I'm a 17 year old boy, almost 18 from California. My girlfriend always feels really bad for me because of my past and I hate seeing her feel bad for me, I hate people feeling bad for me. I would really appreciate any kind of suggestive response I get.

 

Thanks in advance,

Chimera.

[TheVenomWithin]

Aight, I'll be the first to step up and give advice since I'm not a wimp like these losers :^). In all seriousness though man, no matter what, throughout thick and thin family is ultimately the most important thing in one's life. Give him a chance, even when he's an ass to you. That's my advice. Every family has their problems, it's how you deal with the problems and the one causing the problem that matters.

[Chimera]

Aight, I'll be the first to step up and give advice since I'm not a wimp like these losers :^). In all seriousness though man, no matter what, throughout thick and thin family is ultimately the most important thing in one's life. Give him a chance, even when he's an ass to you. That's my advice. Every family has their problems, it's how you deal with the problems and the one causing the problem that matters.

I thought about that, but I've heard "I'll change, I promise" too many times and it's never happened. Not even my grandparents tell me that I should go see him anymore. My mom always comes up with excuses to him to keep me away from him, she understands what he's done.

[Scrublordington the III]

Give him a chance, even when he's an ass to you. That's my advice. Every family has their problems, it's how you deal with the problems and the one causing the problem that matters.

 

I disagree with you venow. At this point, I feel that he is doing more harm with his false promises. If you feel that you are better off without an abusive father, I would report him to the authorities, or get a restraint order. There is little point in having to let this issue haunt you for the rest of your life. It may be hard but I would feel like that's the best way to go

[♥Prof. Sugarcube♥]

Give him a chance, even when he's an ass to you. That's my advice. Every family has their problems, it's how you deal with the problems and the one causing the problem that matters.

 

If there's a tack in your foot you don't ignore it, you do something about it

If you have a cold you don't 'put up with it' you drug yourself until the virus leaves

If there's some annoying douche bringing you down you don't tolerate it, you fight back

 

Don't believe that fallacy argument Chimera

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I hate my Dad with amazing passion too but my hatred is something else

 

This?

 

Take it to court, seriously, it's not right, police man, they exist for a reason

[Black Dynamite]

Leave Him Out Of Your Life He's Just Acting Nice To You So He Can Abuse You Further

 

Don't Subject Yourself To Further Abuse Usually In These Types Of Situations

 

Someone Ends Up Dead Don't Let It Be You

[Fenrir]

At least you have a dad. Never knew my dad, ran away before I could meet him.

[Black Dynamite]

If there's a tack in your foot you don't ignore it, you do something about it

If you have a cold you don't 'put up with it' you drug yourself until the virus leaves

If there's some annoying douche bringing you down you don't tolerate it, you fight back

 

Don't believe that fallacy argument Chimera

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I hate my Dad with amazing passion too but my hatred is something else

 

This?

 

Take it to court, seriously, it's not right, police man, they exist for a reason

 

Does Your Dad Beat You Everyday Telling You To Kill Yourself Leaving You In Severe Depression?

[Black Dynamite]

At least you have a dad. Never knew my dad, ran away before I could meet him.

 

Good If He Ran Out Of You Life Before You Could Meet Him He Probably Didn't Deserve To Be It In The First Place

[♥Prof. Sugarcube♥]

Does Your Dad Beat You Everyday Telling You To Kill Yourself Leaving You In Severe Depression?

 

You misread my post, you think i was comparing my dad to his dad.

[Roller]

Your dad is part of your family no matter what you do. He's your real father after all. A family should care for each other, and not creating hate.

I can see how you dislike your father by reading off this biased paragraph. 

Maybe try understanding him more and from that onward, he might actually quit all the bad things he had done. Asking him unintentionally will be a good advice, or probably do something good to him.

 

Well, leaving that aside, in the future, if he does something really bad to you, just ring somebody and tell them to tell the police or just call the police straight away.

[ThatOtherChigga #Mack]

If I were you, I would look towards the future and I wouldn't give him another chance. No one deserves this many chances after screwing up this bad time and time again.

[Black Dynamite]

This Is Life Your Well Being Should Matter More Than Anyone Else's

[thecityburns2day]

Your dad is part of your family no matter what you do. He's your real father after all. A family should care for each other, and not creating hate.

I can see how you dislike your father by reading off this biased paragraph.

Maybe try understanding him more and from that onward, he might actually quit all the bad things he had done. Asking him unintentionally will be a good advice, or probably do something good to him.

 

Well, leaving that aside, in the future, if he does something really bad to you, just ring somebody and tell them to tell the police or just call the police straight away.

sure blood is thicker than water idea. Family is more than blood thouh. If someone means you harm, they are not family. There is no reason for you to calle him as a father anymore than a sprem donor can call himself a father. I don't talk from personal experience as overall, I've had a very average (some wouled say blessed) life so far thanks to the had work of all my grandparents(all of which are immigrants ) and both parents. If st all possible, toss him like the trash he sounds like.a father , nay a parent, is supposed to be a person who gives you care and shows you the world ND help you choose your own path in it. If they only desire to harm you, there is no need for them.

 

 

If there is one thing you take out of this it should be that family is more than just blood.

[Chimera]

I apologize for being so late on this

I disagree with you venow. At this point, I feel that he is doing more harm with his false promises. If you feel that you are better off without an abusive father, I would report him to the authorities, or get a restraint order. There is little point in having to let this issue haunt you for the rest of your life. It may be hard but I would feel like that's the best way to go

I don't see how a restraining order will help since for now I've cut off all communication, the only time I talk to him is when he comes to get my brother, which he seems to be corrupting.

 

If there's a tack in your foot you don't ignore it, you do something about it

If you have a cold you don't 'put up with it' you drug yourself until the virus leaves

If there's some annoying douche bringing you down you don't tolerate it, you fight back

 

Don't believe that fallacy argument Chimera

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I hate my Dad with amazing passion too but my hatred is something else

 

This?

 

Take it to court, seriously, it's not right, police man, they exist for a reason

I appreciate this, a lot really. I can't exactly take it to court though since I have no real visible scars of any signs of abuse, the only thing is get tested for depression and have some people vouch for me. I apologize for whatever your dad has done to you.

 

Leave Him Out Of Your Life He's Just Acting Nice To You So He Can Abuse You Further

 

Don't Subject Yourself To Further Abuse Usually In These Types Of Situations

 

Someone Ends Up Dead Don't Let It Be You

This is what I'm afraid the case is or will lead to be. He's never changed. He doesn't talk to me anymore.

 

At least you have a dad. Never knew my dad, ran away before I could meet him.

I don't see how this is a good thing, and honestly it doesn't help a whole lot. I'm sorry you never met your dad, but at this point I envy you, because you never really had the option to have a battle with yourself. I feel as if he left for good I'd never have to deal with this.

 

Your dad is part of your family no matter what you do. He's your real father after all. A family should care for each other, and not creating hate.

I can see how you dislike your father by reading off this biased paragraph. 

Maybe try understanding him more and from that onward, he might actually quit all the bad things he had done. Asking him unintentionally will be a good advice, or probably do something good to him.

 

Well, leaving that aside, in the future, if he does something really bad to you, just ring somebody and tell them to tell the police or just call the police straight away.

I don't consider him family, neither does my mom or even my grandparents. I feel as if he's just there to hurt me, then he can't be family, but rather just the man who took part in my birth. Him running away and leaving me and my family in dangerous areas is enough to get me to feel this.

 

If I were you, I would look towards the future and I wouldn't give him another chance. No one deserves this many chances after screwing up this bad time and time again.

I do look toward the future, but where do I start? I have no motivation to do anything because I'm just constantly haunted by his words and actions.

 

sure blood is thicker than water idea. Family is more than blood thouh. If someone means you harm, they are not family. There is no reason for you to calle him as a father anymore than a sprem donor can call himself a father. I don't talk from personal experience as overall, I've had a very average (some wouled say blessed) life so far thanks to the had work of all my grandparents(all of which are immigrants ) and both parents. If st all possible, toss him like the trash he sounds like.a father , nay a parent, is supposed to be a person who gives you care and shows you the world ND help you choose your own path in it. If they only desire to harm you, there is no need for them.


If there is one thing you take out of this it should be that family is more than just blood.

I never saw him as family as you said, why would he be family and just hurt me to the point of me breaking and feeling worthless? He's done it to my mom and it's so hard to forgive him for that.

 

I appreciate all the comments you guys, I really do.

[Scrublordington the III]

I apologize for being so late on this

I don't see how a restraining order will help since for now I've cut off all communication, the only time I talk to him is when he comes to get my brother, which he seems to be corrupting.

 

Now I'm not too sure where your problem lies. I thought the main problem was that he is still abusing you. If the problem is his influence on your brother, do the same for your brother as your mom did to you. He may not like it but he will understand someday.

 

If your problem is that you don't know how to cope without a father, you'll realized you don't need someone like him in your life. There are plenty of people in your life that care for you. You don't need to stick with your dad.

[thecityburns2day]

Then drop him. It'll be hard, especially if he is still with you mother, but you need to get rid of him and his malice. Someday you may be able to forgive but that dones not mean you have to love him then or ever.

[♠Derpeh♤]

In all seriousness though man, no matter what, throughout thick and thin family is ultimately the most important thing in one's life. Give him a chance, even when he's an ass to you. That's my advice. Every family has their problems, it's how you deal with the problems and the one causing the problem that matters.

 

Imo "family" has nothing to do with blood, who you call "family" are those who you genuinely care about and receive the same in return. I had a member in my family who i always thought was my cousin, turned out they were adopted but that doesn't change how i see them, they are family because we grew up together, sharing memories which we both will cherish, blood imo means nothing without the bond that should come with it.

 

There is a difference between trying to make amends because both parties need to actively work towards that goal, being one sided doesnt help in any situation especially since he has no reason to try other than "blood".

 

In the end Chimera you need to make a decision and stick with it, if you decide that you still want to try amend your relationship with your father then give it your best shot, if it works out then awesome, if not least you gave it your best shot. If you decide to move on with your life then do so without turning back, not making up your mind will bring you more problems.

[Chimera]

Now I'm not too sure where your problem lies. I thought the main problem was that he is still abusing you. If the problem is his influence on your brother, do the same for your brother as your mom did to you. He may not like it but he will understand someday.

 

If your problem is that you don't know how to cope without a father, you'll realized you don't need someone like him in your life. There are plenty of people in your life that care for you. You don't need to stick with your dad.

That's exactly my issue there; do I keep a relationship with him? I've heard yes and no and it's so conflicting. He doesn't exactly abuse me but he doesn't exactly care for me. I dropped my brother off at his house the other day and my friend said he gave me dirty and malicious looks the entire time, described as rage.

 

Then drop him. It'll be hard, especially if he is still with you mother, but you need to get rid of him and his malice. Someday you may be able to forgive but that dones not mean you have to love him then or ever.

He's not with my mother actually, he made it clear he doesn't care for her anymore and made her cry for 2 hours. I can't see how to forgive him for hurting her for 23 years, running away and abusing me and her

 

Imo "family" has nothing to do with blood, who you call "family" are those who you genuinely care about and receive the same in return. I had a member in my family who i always thought was my cousin, turned out they were adopted but that doesn't change how i see them, they are family because we grew up together, sharing memories which we both will cherish, blood imo means nothing without the bond that should come with it.

 

There is a difference between trying to make amends because both parties need to actively work towards that goal, being one sided doesnt help in any situation especially since he has no reason to try other than "blood".

 

In the end Chimera you need to make a decision and stick with it, if you decide that you still want to try amend your relationship with your father then give it your best shot, if it works out then awesome, if not least you gave it your best shot. If you decide to move on with your life then do so without turning back, not making up your mind will bring you more problems.

There's my issue, I'm so scared to take that risk because I've taken it before only to be completely shattered as he whipped back to his real self maybe 3 days after he promised change.

.

[Roller]

sure blood is thicker than water idea. Family is more than blood thouh. If someone means you harm, they are not family. There is no reason for you to calle him as a father anymore than a sprem donor can call himself a father. I don't talk from personal experience as overall, I've had a very average (some wouled say blessed) life so far thanks to the had work of all my grandparents(all of which are immigrants ) and both parents. If st all possible, toss him like the trash he sounds like.a father , nay a parent, is supposed to be a person who gives you care and shows you the world ND help you choose your own path in it. If they only desire to harm you, there is no need for them.

 

 

If there is one thing you take out of this it should be that family is more than just blood.

 

I don't consider him family, neither does my mom or even my grandparents. I feel as if he's just there to hurt me, then he can't be family, but rather just the man who took part in my birth. Him running away and leaving me and my family in dangerous areas is enough to get me to feel this.

 

What a poor childhood. :c

 

Makes sense, my understanding is probably a bit wrong there.

 

Nevertheless, I would try preventing any fights or anything abusive more to happen if I was Chimera since there would be no point living with him anymore. Just ignore your father and move on. 

[TheVenomWithin]

If there's a tack in your foot you don't ignore it, you do something about it

If you have a cold you don't 'put up with it' you drug yourself until the virus leaves

If there's some annoying douche bringing you down you don't tolerate it, you fight back

 

I hate my Dad with amazing passion too but my hatred is something else

 

Why are you all fighting against me? Jesus, I just spoke my opinion. It's severely insulting that you are referring to a human being as a virus, a tack as you put it. He may be a shitty person, a shitty Father. We all make our mistakes, some worse than others. I don't think you understood me. I'm not saying he should sit around and take the abuse, I'm saying he should still love him as he is blood, no matter how much of a scum he is. It's corny but here in Hawaii we say this. Aloha means family, Family means no one gets left behind. That lilo and stitch reference tho The fact that almost all of you posting here have severe father issues make you a bit biased IMO perhaps because of your personal opinions. What i'm trying to say is, Don't give up on him. He may be an ass, but he's still family and needs to be treated like such. If it gets worse, Then you can tell him directly that if he continues you will be doing what you guys have suggested about leaving, restraining order, or w.e. I've seen too many close friends have their families divorced, and trust me it's hard. At the end of the day it's not my choice its your life and you need to do what you feel is right @OP. I'm just imputing on what I'd do in the situation. If you haven't already, Have a serious discussion with him and your family. Tell them that if he doesn't change, this is his last chance to improve. At the end of the day if he can't be the man that he needs to be, You need to leave him.

[TurboNEET]

I dropped my abusive dad 8 years ago. Havent seen him since and i dont regret it at all. Keep your head high and go for the future, it will only get better.

[Kawaii-Chan (♡ヮ♡)]

It doesn't matter if he was originally a part of your family. 'Family' doesn't act like rabid animals to their own kin, which is what (no offense) this guy seems to be doing, based on what you have said.

 

Do not try to get back with him thinking that you and he share the same blood, and that he is a part of your family.

 

A family provides love and shelter, not hate. From what you've said, it seems he has hated you all along. Stop being too nice to people, and just report him to the authorities.

 

People like this don't deserve to be a part of your family. You're better than them.

[Scrublordington the III]

That's exactly my issue there; do I keep a relationship with him? I've heard yes and no and it's so conflicting. He doesn't exactly abuse me but he doesn't exactly care for me.

 

There's my issue, I'm so scared to take that risk because I've taken it before only to be completely shattered as he whipped back to his real self maybe 3 days after he promised change.

.

 

What I think, and I believe most people can back me up on this, is that you have given him too many chances and only received empty promises. It's time to move on. Take the risk, and get him out of your life.

[♥Prof. Sugarcube♥]

1. Why are you all fighting against me? Jesus, I just spoke my opinion.
2. It's severely insulting that you are referring to a human being as a virus, a tack as you put it.
3. He may be a shitty person, a shitty Father. We all make our mistakes, some worse than others.
4. I don't think you understood me. I'm not saying he should sit around and take the abuse,
5. I'm saying he should still love him as he is blood, no matter how much of a scum he is.

 

1. No one is fighting you

2. You are what you are. If you're a poison to the planet then you shall be referred to as Poison. It's not even insulting, how is that even insulting

3. 'We all make mistakes' Say that to my previous Bans on the main site why don't you. When someone makes too much mistakes you have to react.

4. Then what are you saying? Clearly outline what you are saying.

5. 'As he is blood' Does this mean i have to love a piece of Fe²⁺ ions because they're 'blood'? Hell no. Bad analogy, sure, but you don't Love poison, refer to Point #2 and my previous statements of not leaving a tack in the foot, or a cold un-saturated with drugs.